


Remember Us

by Soul-to-squeeze (I_love_love_love_123)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Sebastian Stan - Fandom, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Love, Sebastian Stan - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-29
Updated: 2019-12-13
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:27:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,949
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21608302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_love_love_love_123/pseuds/Soul-to-squeeze
Summary: Some mistakes cannot be fixed. A couple must come to terms with their loss.
Relationships: Sebastian Stan/Reader
Kudos: 22





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Angst, swearing, bereavement, cheating, mentions of abortions.  
> ('Re-purposing' and embellishing an old storyline I had written for a fic years ago)

**Sebastian**

My feeble fingers fumble for the stereo in an attempt to put an end to the miserable love song on the radio but of course, I fail spectacularly, dialing up the volume with all my drunkenness.

 _"And I wish I could leave my bones_  
And my skin  
And float over the tired, tired sea  
So, that I could see you again

 _Maybe you would leave too_  
And we'd blindly pass each other  
Floating over the ocean blue  
Just to find the warm bed of our lover"

Why must the radio torment me tonight?

I try to change the station as I grip onto the steering wheel, I feel my car sway from side to side but it's fine. There's no one here, I'm all alone.

I soon come to realise that the music isn't coming from the radio, rather a CD inside my stereo. Ripping out disc, my bleary eyes make out the name; Gregory Alan Isakov.

_She must have forgotten this._

God, I shouldn't be driving. If my agent knew, she'd be livid but for the sake of my sanity, I couldn't stay at that PR sham any longer. Seeing all those phoney faces, pretending to be interested. Pretending to be into my hot new co-star, all for the sake of eliciting some publicity for our film. The only thing that made the night bearable, was the endless supply of booze. No doubt the organisers were hoping for the press to catch some drunken antics by the bevy of celebrities; we've got a movie to sell, all publicity is good publicity right? And I almost succumbed to it if it wasn't for Maddie, physically holding me back from taking another swig straight from the champagne bottle. I was being every agent's nightmare and she wasn't afraid to tell it to my face. In fact, she ordered me straight into the men's room to "fix myself up" before I dare make another appearance back at our table. She probably thinks I'm still in there.

_I remember now. She used to love this album._

I throw the disc onto the empty seat next to me, as the house finally comes to view. I pull up on the side of the road; the lights are off, she's not home.

The deafening silence in the car hurts. I feel my brain trying to sober me up but my mind just isn't ready yet. I fall back against the headrest, my hands on the wheel to steady myself, to keep my head from spinning.

She's usually home by now.

I reach for my phone, hopeful that Y/N had come around and returned one of my calls. 

Nothing.

A text from my mother at 3.

A couple of missed calls from Chris at 7.

3 voicemails twenty minutes ago from Maddie; probably figured out I was gone.

My fingers slide over my contact list until it finds a familiar number, one I have hesitated to call lately after our last encounter but I guess, the alcohol is fuelling some sort of blind courage tonight.

“Hello?”

“Liv? It’s me…Seb.” I slur. I figure the louder I speak the more comprehensible I would sound.

“Wow, you have some nerve don't you? Did I not make myself clear last time?”

I wince at the hostility in her voice.

“Is Y/N with you? She’s not picking up her phone…I'm outside her house right now."

“Jesus Christ Sebastian. Just leave her alone okay? She doesn't need this right now! She doesn’t need you fucking with her head anymore!”

I'm sure Liv is just as sick of me as Y/N.

The last 5 months I have been trying to see Y/N, to tell her how sorry I am, to fix our lives but she’s manage to avoid me in every way imaginable.

Her locks are changed, she no longer frequents the places that we loved and I know she’s taken extra shifts at the hospital, all to avoid seeing me; the pariah.

Liv was my only window to her, to find out how she was doing.

Coping.

After my last attempt to raid Liv's house for her, she's cut off all contact from me.

I'm surprised this woman hasn't hung up yet.

"I just want to know that she's alright...that's all I want to know Liv. I miss her."

I feel as if my entire body is sinking, my shoulders grow heavy and the exhaustion of everything that has happened, all hitting me at once. Blow after blow.

I cry down the phone to her best friend who hates me.

 _My_ Olivia.

My Olivia who was always in my corner whenever I fought with Y/N, helped her see past all the stupid shit I'd do, helped her see the rational side of things whenever she had doubts. Liv was our family who had been through it all, seen all our good and plenty of the bad. God knows how many times she intervened to save our relationship.

Seems as though this time, not even Liv can salvage what is left.

The line crackles as she sighs.

“Seb…we both know this is better for Y/N. She needs to move on and _you_ do too.”

“I don'...I can't. I can't lose her, not like this. I can fix this.” My cries become uncontrollable, I have ruined the expensive suit I've been wearing, if it wasn't already been marred by the stench of booze.

“Seb. There’s just nothing you can do. She doesn’t want anything to do with you.”

“Liv please. Help me, I know you can help me.” I regain an inch of control over my sobs, holding onto the last sliver of dignity that I have left.

“How?" She sighs, exasperated. "How do you expect me to fix... _this_?"

“Just tell me where she is.”

She pauses, I can hear her contemplating over the line.

“She’s gone on out with someone." She says curtly. "She should be back soon but _you_ need to be gone by then.”

Before I could even respond, she hangs up the phone.

_Is she seeing someone?_

I pull my palms across my face, cleaning myself up as I run through all the possibilities of who Y/N could be out with at this hour.

I adjust myself in my seat. I'll sit out here for as long as I need.

I have to see her tonight.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Y/N**

The car ride home was quiet. I had fiddled with my nails all the way through, scratching out bits of the red varnish I had spent so much time and effort painting on. The air conditioning was blowing directly at me, much to my discomfort but I didn't want to break the peace and ask for it to be turned off.

It's fine now. We're outside my house.

“I had I great time Y/N.” Josh holds my hand, affectionately running his thumb against my skin. 

Josh. 

Handsome, smart, dependable Josh. Perfect. Just perfect. Which is exactly why I am kicking myself for feeling so miserable this whole night.

I had went all out to pump myself up for this date, even so much as buying a ridiculously expensive dress that I'll probably never wear again.

We've been seeing each other for the past couple weeks, yet I feel nothing. No butterflies. No chemistry.

“Me too.” I lie.

“Did I tell you how beautiful you look tonight?” He begins to stroke my face, my body fighting its urge to flinch.

Slowly, he draws me closer, planting a soft and affectionate kiss on my lips; which I return. A part of me hoping it will ignite some spark but instead, only the desire to push him off and run. 

“Good night Josh. I’ll call you tomorrow.” I pull away, hoping he misses the aggrieved expression on my face.

I can tell he is disappointed that I didn’t invite him in but I just can't. I’m not ready no matter how many times I tell myself I am. It’s been 5 months and the thought of having another man in my house still makes my stomach turn.

I give him a final wave as I leave his car. Making my way to my door, my feet drags slowly behind on the pavement, pained from wearing the stilettos I had reserved for special occasions.

From the corner of my eye, I swear I could see a familiar car.

No. My mind must be playing tricks.

I fumble away for my keys as I reach the steps of my porch.

I halt to a stop.

My breath hitches as he emerges from the shadows, gathering himself up from where he was sitting on the floor.

“Y/N.” 

His voice. That voice that's been haunting me, turns me immediately on my heels and sends me running in the opposite direction.

“Y/N!”

He pulls me from behind. I feel myself numb in his arms, his body pressed so tightly against mine as he holds me hostage in the dark.

“Get off Sebastian.” I try to whisper, remain as calm as my mind would allow. The last thing I want is to wake my neighbours and invite them to this little peep show.

“I want to talk to you Y/N. Please.” He's been drinking, I can smell it from his pores.

“Get off.” I try to turn myself around, facing him so I could push his heavy chest away.

“I’m sorry." He whispers. "I'm so sorry."

"Just get off!" I begin hitting him, smacking him hard in the torso. Even just an inch between us would allow me to escape.

“We can work through this, it's us."

I refuse to respond.

"It's us." He cries, dropping his arms from around me, finding my hands instead. He rests his forehead against mine, his tears hot on my cold skin.

I upset the moment pushing him one last time. His reflexes falter causing him to stumble, permitting me to break away.

"Y/N!"

I harshly jerk from his clasp, ignoring him clamouring after me. I rush to my door with the keys shaking in my hands.

"Will you just talk to me? Please!" He gets angry with me.

The audacity.

I ignore him again, trying my best to get my hands to function, to get the key in.

"You think you're the only one hurting Y/N?"

The keys drop from my hands, along with my every chance to get away, hitting the wooden slabs of my porch with a loud thud.

"GOD!" I scream. At him. At myself. I stare at my keys sitting so helplessly on the floor, as I fall down myself.

How have I become so weak?

I no longer recognise what I have become, what we have become.

I have spent every ounce of my energy trying to recover some form of normalcy back in my life, convincing my friends, myself, that everything is fine, that my world isn't falling apart. I try so hard but I can never fool myself. The world can see right through me, no matter how much I force that smile.

“Y/N." Sebastian collapses beside me, tugging at my arm. "Look at me, please.” He grabs my wrist, propping my hands against his pain ridden face.

"I know I can't do things over, I can't change what happened but we can overcome this. W-we can make it through the other side."

I sit motionless in his arms.

The night is dark, so dark it seems we were exiled from the world. It must be 2, 3 am in the morning by now, not a decibel disturbing the street.

Sebastian starts to relax his hold on me, I can feel him slowly sobering up as he rests his head on my lap, his face nestled close to my stomach. The vitality we once had has drained out of us, our lifeless vessels too weak to go on.

I look down at him, his eyes are closed as he murmurs inaudible words into my abdomen.

“We lost the baby.” I whispered.

“I know.”

The reality of those words cut me in a million ways. I have never dared utter those words out loud, too afraid to speak the truth into existence.

“I did this, didn't I? I made you lose the baby.” Sebastian looks up at me, his eyes vacant; dying.

I can't find the will to respond.

I've spent so long placing the blame on him, why is it suddenly so hard to say it out loud now?


	2. Chapter 2

_Flash Back - 5 months ago_

**_Y/N_ **

_“Liv, stop pacing. You’re making me all jittery.” I rubbed my aching temples, clearing my throat to plead with the brewing nausea to back off. I peeped through closed eyes to see that Liv had followed my command, stopping at the bathroom counter to tap her foot impatiently against the tiles instead._

_“God! Why aren’t you as excited as I am?! This is big! So big!” She crawled to sit beside me, joining me to rest against the tub._

_“Because, I might not actually be pregnant. I don’t want to get all worked up over nothing.” I pulled her close, her arm naturally wrapped around me._

_"Did those 4 years of medical school not teach you anything? How could you not know if you're pregnant?"_

_I could only respond with a weak smile._

_I did know, as much as I tried to ignore it, I knew I felt...different. My symptoms weren't obvious, not enough to draw attention anyway but I would catch my reflection occasionally and notice the miniscule changes in my face. My eyes were puffier, though I tried to attribute that to the long shifts at work. My cheeks had more colour, fuller, and my skin bore the glow that I would see on the women at the antenatal ward. I had just accepted it as my hormones acting up, stress from work. It wasn't until I started going over my diary that I realised it had been weeks since my last period; that scared me enough to call Liv to pick up a pregnancy test and come straight over._

_It had to be negative. Had to be. Sebastian and I were always so careful._

_"What's wrong Y/N?" Liv slowly distanced herself from me._

_"Nothing. This is just overwhelming that's all."_

_"You know, I can always tell when you're lying so don't even try it."_

_Good ol' Livvy, nothing could escape her, not even me._

_"Y/N?"_

_"I don't think I can do this Liv."_

_I watched her expression diminish as expected, her mouth formed a soft 'oh'._

_"I'm a terrible person aren't I?" I hid my face behind my hands, too ashamed to look at my friend who had been so excited at the prospect of me being pregnant._

_"Don't say that, of course you're not." She pried my hands away. "Just because you're a woman doesn't mean you are obligated to have a baby if you don't want to. I just...I just thought that's what you and Sebastian wanted. You guys always talked about having a family."_

_"Yeah, in the future." I pulled away. "I've just started my residency. Do you know how hard I've had to work just to get to here?"_

_"But Seba-"_

_"Sebastian? He'd probably feel the same." My heart sunk at the thought of how he'd react. "His career has just started to gain momentum, how can I just drop this bombshell on him?"_

_"So? There's plenty of actors out there with young families." Liv tried to reason. "You know how Sebastian feels about kids, I'm sure he'd be over the moon to find out he's going to be a dad."_

_"They have families because their wives are willing to raise them whilst they're out there living their best lives. I love Sebastian but...I don't know if I can do the same. How am I going to just abandon an entire medical career when it's barely even started?"_

_Liv stared at me in silence, holding my hands as she contemplated her words._

_"Are you saying you want an abortion? Because...well I'd support you 100% if that's the case. I'll support you whatever you choose to do."_

_My Olivia._

_"I don't know. It's crossed my mind but...it's not that simple."_

_"I know. I know. But the thing is, you don't need to decide now. I mean heck, we don't even know if you really are preggers!"_

_Liv was right, I was probably freaking out over nothing._

_"But if you are, just promise me you'll tell Sebastian okay? He deserves to know and I'm sure he'll think the same as me. He'll respect your choice."_

_I crawled back into Liv's arms, embracing her tightly. I felt her plant a kiss on the crown of my head, all the while telling me it was going to be okay._

_How I wished I could have stayed there and not confront my reality._

_"I guess there's only one way to find out huh?"_

_I finally found the will to push myself off the floor. With Liv quickly following suit, we made our way to the counter where the pregnancy test laid, undisturbed for all this time. My fate, helplessly in its hands._

_I stared at the stick, sitting there, callously staring back at me. Liv's hand slowly grasped onto my shoulder, as we stood in the numbing silence of my bathroom._

_How was I going to tell him?_

_____________________________________________________

_“Babe? I’m home.” I heard Sebastian shuffle at the door, taking his shoes off before throwing his keys into the glass bowl._

_I hated when he did that, the noise always made me flinch but it was the least of my cares._

_“Hey.” I mumbled through gritted teeth, too busy chewing on my innocent nails, the unfortunate victims to my nerves._

_Collapsing by me on the sofa, he pulled my hand away, freeing my lips to him. Feeling him bought me the most comfort I had felt all day._

_He had grown his facial hair out again, much to my delight. I'd always tease him saying it felt like kissing a teddy bear. His cologne had faded since the morning but it was just the way I liked it; he smelt like Sebastian._

_"You okay?" He pulled back._

_"Mm hm."_

_Massaging my jaw with one hand, he placed another kiss on me._

_"Then why do you look so tense?_

_"I'm just tired, I didn't manage to get much sleep since my shift last night." I smiled._

_"Why don't you get some rest then? Come, I'll fix dinner and wake you up when it's ready."_

_He tried to pull me up but the dead weight of my reluctant body dashed any efforts of getting me into bed._

_"No, sit with me. I want to talk." I tugged on his hand for him to return to me. His eyes were on guard, suddenly gauging the situation and what I could have meant._

_“What did I do now?” He sighed, resuming his position on the sofa._

_“Nothing.” I stroked his face, I can tell by his expression that he wasn't convinced. "I-I have something to tell you."_

_He nodded._

_"Just promise you'll listen to what I have to say before you freak out okay?"_

_"Well then you better tell me quick Y/N. What's going on?" His voice was soft, so concerned, so oblivious to what I was about to say. His eyes searched mine for the answer I was too afraid to tell but my nerves, made the next words splutter out without my consent._

_"I'm pregnant."_

_The following few seconds ceased to exist, it felt as though time had come to a standstill. I could suddenly feel every pulse in my body._

_Sebastian slowly sank back onto the cushions, his face indecipherable, much to my agony._

_"I know we didn't plan this, I mean this couldn't have happened at a worse time for us...but I just want you to know that there's no pressure here. I'm not going to force this on you, or on u-"_

_"What are you talking about?" He finally broke his silence. "Y/N this is amazing news. You're pregnant."_

_I couldn't tell if he was joking, I was too stunned to cast judgement._

_"Come here." He laughed, pulling me into his chest. He planted a deep and loving kiss on the crook of my neck, his heavy breath warm against the goosebumps on my skin. "This is the best news I could have hoped for my love...god when did you find out?" He held me by the arms, his face lit with elation._

_"Today. With Liv." Was the best I could get out._

_"Well of course Livvy found out before me." He shook his head. "How far along are you? Do we know the gender?" He rambled._

_"I'm-I'm not sure. I think I'm around 10, 11 weeks. It's too early to tell."_

_"Oh my god, I need to call my mom. She's gonna cry when I tell her this."_

_He scrambled his pockets in search for his phone, his smile never left his face. I couldn't remember the last time I had seen him that happy. His eyes brimmed with tears, so full of pride, full of love for our unborn child that it made my voice seize up in my throat, unable to continue with what I wanted to say._

_Noticing my silence, he momentarily resigned his phone to his lap, turning to me to rest his forehead against mine. "Hey...we're going to be parents."_

_"Uh-huh."_

_"You're going to be an amazing mother baby, I just know it."_

_A mother._

_I was going to be a mother._

_A title that didn't want to resonate with me no matter how times I repeated it to myself._

_Looking at him in that moment, I didn't have the heart to tell him about the phone call I had made earlier that day._

_"Why are you crying baby?" He smiled._

_With every ounce of conviction I had left in me, I conjured up the answer I knew he was looking for._

_“I’m just…so happy.”_

_____________________________________________________

_Continuation of Flash Back - 1 month later_

**_Sebastian_ **

_“I heard what I heard Y/N! Don’t fucking lie to my face!” I screamed at her, I felt myself lose control as she held on to me, begging me to calm down. I was a rope snapping, holding on by thin threads before the anchor inevitably comes smashing down._

_"No Sebastian! It's not like that!" She tried to make me look at her. Her sad, sorry face, pleading for me to let her explain the voicemail I had found on her phone. A message from the clinic._

_I pushed her hands off me. My heart clenched as I recalled the voice on her machine, his exact words._

**_"Hello Miss Y/L/N, this is Dr Diaz from West Herts Clinic. I'm calling in regards to the appointment you had booked last month for a pregnancy termination. You had missed your original appointment and have not replied to the further letters we had sent out inviting you to reschedule. If you have had a change of heart, please let us know. We hope to ensure that you can make a safe and informed decision about your health and your pregnancy. Should you wish to receive counselling on the matter, please do not hesitate to contact us."_ **

_“Just say it Y/N. You don't want this baby."_

_“No! That's not true!" She cried._

_"Then why did you make that appointment? Why do you have a physician calling you about an abortion?!"_

_I looked at her, my eyes burnt red, demanding an answer._

_"I was scared Sebastian, you need to understand! I have to give up my whole life for this child, everything I have worked for, everything I want to achieve! I didn't want to lose the future I had planned!"_

_I swear I tried my hardest to see things from her perspective, to understand her but I when I saw her, standing there with the small bump under her shirt, my baby, I just couldn't help but feel sick to my stomach._

_How could she be this selfish? I don’t understand how anyone could be this selfish. I’ve always understood how much Y/N’s career meant to her but to do this all under my nose and not even let me have a say in the matter; I no longer recognised her._

_“It’s your child Y/N! It shouldn’t matter how many sacrifices you have to make! You do it because they are yours! You are meant to love them unconditionally!”_

_“I know Seb…I do. I do love our baby…I just needed some time to prepare myself. I didn't go to the appointment because I knew that you wouldn't forgive me, that I wouldn't forgive myself. Please understand that I love our baby."_

_Her voice grew quiet; whimpers._

_Her weak hands searched for me but I couldn’t stay in that house any longer, I couldn't look at her without wanting to scream._

_I grabbed my coat, my keys, all strewn on the floor. I heard her begging me to stop._

_I ran down the stairs and out the door, leaving her behind with her desperate cries for me to come back._

_____________________________________________________

_“Sebastian, that's enough." Anthony tried to force the glass out my hand, his weak attempt to stop me from downing another shot._

_"What's the matter Anthony? You suddenly a light weight?" I yelled above the crowd, drawing a few stares my way. The bar was busy and dim enough to allow a few Hollywood actors to go incognito for the night, though I probably didn't help. "How bout' you Boston? Why are you so quiet over there?"_

_I whistled over at Chris silently sipping on his beer, not even bothering to look at me._

_"Eh, I'm talking to you." I pushed at his shoulder._

_"You need to go home Seb. You shouldn't have just left Y/N like that." Chris responded abruptly. I saw from his expression how much he disapproved of my behaviour._

_The sound of Y/N's name made me wince. I didn’t want to think about her. Not now._

_“I’m not going home…she doesn’t want me. She doesn’t want our family.” I gagged, as the accumulation of shots I had crept back to haunt me._

_"Did you even hear what she said? She owned up to her mistake. She wants the baby and she wants you! Besides, even if she did get rid of it, you should have respected her decision." Chris shook his head, returning to his beer with an exasperated huff._

_"I should have wha- respect her decision? Are you fucking kidding me?" I felt Anthony's struggle to hold me up as I got off my stool, my legs threatened to buckle with every move._

_"I'm just saying I understand where she's coming from Seb. A baby changes everything, it's a lot for a woman like her to go through."_

_The last thing I wanted right now was my own friend taking someone else's side. My drunken mind did not have the capacity to take on another argument._

_"You know what Chris, I don't recall ever asking for your opinion. I invited you out to drink, so drink!" I tossed a shot of vodka over at his direction, the glass bounced off the table, splattering all over his shirt._

_The girls standing a few feet down from us gasped, as the bartender hurriedly cleared the counter. I watched in amusement as Chris tried to wipe himself down._

_"Jesus Sebastian!" Anthony finally exerted his strength to heave me off my ass. "Chris, he's drunk man."_

_"Ye-ah." Chris gestured sarcastically at his ruined apparel, a napkin in hand trying to soak up the liquid."Look at him! You know what, just put him in a hotel tonight. I don't want him going back to Y/N like this._

_"I'll drop him off at The Grand Central Hotel a couple blocks from here. You go home man."_

_They go back and forth with their words as if I'm not even there but to be honest, I didn't care at that point. I co-operated as Anthony began to carry me through the crowd, Chris's condemning stare grew fainter the further I went._

_______________________________________________

_“Okay Seb, you’re in room 745. Can you make your way upstairs yourself?” Anthony handed me my room key, speaking down to me as if I was a child._

_I snatched it away without saying a word, ignoring his sigh and goodbyes as I pawed at the elevator button._

_Stumbling in, the door closed on me quick._

_Room 745. I repeated as I pressed the button for my floor._

_I felt the elevator moving but not fast enough. All I wanted to do, was to get to my room as soon as possible and drink the whole mini bar before my thoughts could catch up to me again._

_I grunted as the journey stopped midway._

_The golden doors slowly opened but I paid no mind to what was behind it. I continued my journey up the building before a voice interrupted my peaceful ride._

_“Rough night?”_

_I looked to find a woman standing behind me, applying her lipstick in the reflection of the metal walls._

_Young, blonde, attractive._

_“You have no idea.” I muttered._

_“You and me both buddy.” She laughed. "Hey, do I know you?" She turned to me, moving closer to examine my face. I back off at her approach, the scent of her breath appeared that she had been drinking too._

_“I don't think so."_

_“I'm sure I've seen you somewhere." She put her finger against her mouth."What do you do?"_

_"I play make believe."_

_"You're an actor? Figures, a face as pretty as yours couldn't be anything else."_

_I ignored her._

_"Aren't you going to ask what I do?"_

_"I feel like you're going to tell me anyway." I continued with the play._

_"I'm a model, I'm in town for a shoot. My date tonight was an utter jerk. That's the summary of my night. You?"_

_I ignored her again._

_"Judging by your face, looks like somebody got dumped..." She teased."What's wrong? Your girlfriend left you?"_

_I stared at the numbers on the lift, slowly ascending._

_"Alright, keep your secrets then. Could I at least have a name?" She persisted._

_“Why don’t you tell me your name instead?”_

_“I’m Kathrine but you can call me Kat.” She smiled._

_"Kat." I repeated after her._

_"You're not going to tell me your name are you?"_

_I rolled my eyes, mad that Anthony had put me in a room so high up._

_"That's fine. I'm sure I'll figure it out soon enough." She smirked._

_Three more floors left._

_"Hey. You wanna be my friend tonight? Get a drink? I'm not ready to go to bed."_

_"Do I look like I need another drink?" I laughed. I was leaning against the wall at this point to keep me from falling into her. Our body swayed close, mine occasionally bumping into hers as we went up._

_“I just thought you could do with an ear tonight. You look so sad.” She whispered softly. Her hand reached for my face, causing me to react immediately, pushing her harshly away._

_"Do you think I'm stupid?" I snapped. I had figured out her game. I knew how this story went._

_“I was just being nice. If you don’t want to talk that’s fine. It’s my floor anyway.” She scoffed, straightening out her dress to leave._

_The elevator doors opened with a ding. A lonely hotel room sat at the end of the hall, her room I guessed. My company was ready to leave before giving me one last look. Her faced flushed, incensed with the way I spoke to her._

_She bit onto her lip, her expression, waiting for me to say something, apologise. Giving up she huffed and pushed past me._

_And that was when it happened. Things spiralled._

_I grabbed her hand._

_It was like an out of body experience. I didn't know what I was doing, I had no sense of right or wrong. All I wanted was to satisfy my ego, my need of having someone that night._

_Pulling her back in, we allowed the doors to shut on us._

_That was all my mind could remember of that evening._

___________________________________________________

**_Y/N_ **

_“He didn’t come home last night.” I cried into Liv’s shoulder. It had been a whole night since I had seen Sebastian. Liv had come over to check on me after my tearful phone call to her the night before._

_“He was probably out with the boys. It’s nothing to worry about darl. I'm sure he's holed up with Anthony somewhere.”_

_“What if he leaves?" The possibility had been fixed in my mind, I had hurt Sebastian so bad. The way he looked at me, the revulsion in his eyes, I may well have killed our baby._

_“Y/N don’t be silly, he loves you rotten! Plus, he's not going to abandon you when you're pregnant with his kid, not on my damn watch."_

_“He thinks I don't want our baby! He thinks I wanted to get rid of it." My tears continued to fall, my eyes were heavy, tired._

_"But you didn't. You had reservations but in the end you chose the baby, you chose Sebastian."_

_“That's the thing, I should have always chose them. I love Sebastian more than anything and this baby? I would do anything for it. Why did I ever doubt that?" I held onto the tiny bump, my child inside growing every day._

_For the last month, my mind was a state. Running back and forth about whether I wanted to continue with the pregnancy and tell Sebastian the truth. Then one morning, everything changed. I looked in the mirror and I saw the small rounded swelling of my belly, I had finally popped. My baby was real and it was growing inside me. Suddenly all the missing maternal instincts kicked in, I was going to be a mother and this time saying it, felt right. I was going to do everything in my power to love it, care for it, protect it. I would give up everything in the world for this child that hadn't even been born yet._

_"You have a lot to lose that's why, you were scared and rightly so. Sebastian should have understood that."_

_"No, I'm not scared anymore. I know what I want. I've applied to take a two year hiatus from the hospital. I want to raise our family. I want to raise my baby with Sebastian."_

_“Really? Well did you tell Sebastian that?" Liv looked at me wide eyed._

_“I didn't have a chance.” I whimpered._

_“Stay here. Let me call Anthony to see where he is. We're gonna drag his ass back and you guys are going to talk.” She wagged her finger at me, dashing off to grab her phone from her bag._

_In her absence, I went up to living room mirror. I recoiled at my reflection, stains of mascara trailing down my face, my hair a mess. Using the sleeves of my shirt, I attempted to wipe off the last residue of make-up that survived the night._

_“Okay, I talked to Anthony. He said Sebastian is not picking up his phone but that he’s staying at the Grand Central hotel in room 745.” Liv returned pulling on her coat._

_“Let's go get him then, I want to see him now."_


End file.
